FAITH BEFORE FEAR (& MOVING FORWARD) October 13 2014, 0 Comments
I am overjoyed to share with you that my Home Study was APPROVED and I am moving on to the next phase in the adoption process! My next steps include applying with US Immigration for "Suitability to Adopt a Child" and completing the infamous "dossier". A dossier is basically a large amount of legal paperwork including financial statements, health records, completed Home Study, fingerprints, background check, birth certificate, etc, etc, etc all notarized and certified and bound and sealed with my blood (not really, but it feels like it). I hope to plow through the rest of the paperwork by the end of the year...though I'm not sure how realistic that goal is.
As I mentioned in my last post, a big part of my final Home Study meeting was deciding on the age range and gender of my little one. We also discussed what physical, emotional, social and developmental "needs" I would accept. Let me tell you, it was so TOUGH. Trying to balance my desires, fears, realistic limitations (as a single parent) and my faith in God felt a lot like walking on a tightrope. From the very beginning of this process I have stated that I wanted to adopt a child that had no other option. So, here's where the rubber met the road. What does that look like on paper? I struggled. I prayed for guidance.
I needed to be realistic (obviously I don't want to get in over my head with lots of medical or emotional issues as the sole bread winner) but The Lord was ever present, reminding me to put faith before fear. In the end, I had the overwhelming feeling that I needed to be as open as I possibly could, while being confident that I could provide what my child needs to thrive. So for gender, I marked "Either". Y'all, I wanted to choose a gender so badly! It's so hard not to be able to plan (even mentally) in that way, but how could I rule out 50% of the children who need a home just because of their gender? I'm open, Lord. Whatever you have in store for me, I'm ready.
For age range, I am approved for up to 36 months. This was a bit higher than I was originally anticipating, but South Africa has a domestic foster care and adoption system in place. It is important to me to adopt a child that wouldn't be adopted domestically (it's more likely that infants would be). So I chose to go up to the 36 month range. My child could fall anywhere between 6 months and 36 months.
There are a couple of things that are on my heart a lot these days. The first is financial. PRAISE GOD that I have the funds that are due at the completion of the Home Study ($5500+)! Thanks to your donations, your purchases through Chasing Mercy Coffee Co and by saving every extra cent over the last several months, I'm in the clear! But I'm pretty much zeroing out my accounts and the next big chunk of fees will be due when I submit the dossier at the end of the year (around $10,000). That is a pretty tight turn around! Again, I am striving to put faith before fear.
The second burden that seems to be ever-present with me these days is the knowledge that my child is likely (assuming they are already born) out there in the world, experiencing life, and I cannot protect them. I can't come running when they cry, feed them when they are hungry, soothe them when they are afraid, wrap them up when they are cold... I go to sleep at night and wake in the morning feeling a bit helpless. Will you join me in praying something over my little one? Will you pray that there is someone in their life who LOVES them. That there is someone who cares about their needs, who is aware that they are vulnerable and is striving to be there when they call? It may be their biological family, a neighbor, an orphanage caregiver...I just pray (almost constantly these days) that they know what love is. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Amen?
Thank you so much for continuing on this journey with me! As always, if you drink coffee, or know someone who does, please consider buying a bag or two from www.chasingmercy.com.